Thursday, June 19, 2008

Are Golfers Athletes?

You've probably heard this question many times...I know I have. And the answer to the question is, of course, no. How did I come to that conclusion? Well, I believe that in order to be considered an athlete, one condition must be satisfied: The sport said person plays requires athletic ability: This means quickness, agility, speed, strength, vertical leap, hand-eye coordination, etc. In other words, talent is more important than skill.

Golf does not satisfy this condition. The only talents required for golf are hand-eye coordination and the ability to look good in polos. (Also, if the uniform required for your sport can pass for a "business casual" dress code, you are not an athlete.) Golf is basically a skill game. The more you practice, the better you are. It's that simple. Tiger Woods is the best golfer in the world because his father stuck a club in his hand when he was two and made him practice every day. Tiger doesn't possess any special talents; he is somewhat athletic, but the worst player on a decent college football team is more athletic than he is. Now I'm willing to guess that if I (or any other semi-coordinated person) practiced constantly, I could be a very good golfer. In fact, after not having picked up a golf club in 5 years, I actually took golf lessons last summer. And I went from being downright awful to somewhat decent after 5 half-hour lessons. There is no doubt in my mind that if I practiced enough I would be a great golfer. Now, no matter how much I practiced, I would never be a great boxer, or basketball player, or hockey player. Why not? Because those sports require talents that I simply do not possess. Golf, bowling, darts, billiards, etc. are all skill games that require no athletic ability, but rather a lot of practice perfecting the skill.


Thursday, June 12, 2008

Knowshon Brings The Noise

I may be the only Ohio State fan that loves the SEC. Every year, it gives us intense games, never-ending displays of freakish talent, plenty of colorful characters (I'm looking at you 'Ol Ball Coach), unparalleled fan passion (read: obsession), hot girls in sundresses; basically, everything we love about college football. And thanks to the one and only Knowshon Moreno, the fire that burns deep within my loins for the SEC has become even hotter.
For the uninformed, Knowshon is a running back for Georgia, and he is very good at what he does. But I really love Knowshon because of his work off the field. First of all, his name is Knowshon Moreno, and if having that name alone isn't enough to get you a scholarship and a starting spot in an SEC backfield, I don't know what will. His face belongs on the All-"Awesome name of a Southern football player that I wish was my name" Mt. Rushmore. (The George Washington spot is still reserved for Ethnic Sands of course.)
But other than his unreal name, Knowshon devotes his time to informing us of the dangers of noise pollution. The link will take you to a two-page research paper about the dangerous effects of noise pollution, an assignment he was given as a result of getting a little too rowdy after celebrating a win. Sit back and enjoy while Knowshon cracks an egg of knowledge on you.

(Semi-serious note: I am in no way trying to insult Knowshon. While his paper does have some spelling and punctuation errors, it is still better than probably 60% of college papers these days. Instead I am insulting the Georgia administration for making him write such a stupid paper and also whoever snitched on him for being a little too loud at 11 PM on a Saturday night.)